World Domination, Chapter 3: Mind Control
Throughout history, people from otherwise humble backgrounds have risen from the dregs of society to become leaders of entire countries - all because they understood how to captivate minds and then seize control of them. You must be able to conquer the minds of potential followers before you can ever hope to conquer the lands of your enemies. This all starts with effective crowd control and public speaking skills.
A common misconception is that your words are the most important piece of communication. But think about it: when someone speaks to you without emotion in a monotone voice, even if they were telling you that they want to put a million dollars in your pocket you would be slow to believe them. It is a fact that it is not what you say, but how you say it. By using the proper volume, rhythm and emotionally-charged topics you can send any crowd into a frenzy and gain countless followers.
Run A Rogue Government From An Island
At some point in your evil genius career, you'll need to put your flag down on a piece of land and declare it as your own. However, for the truly dedicated, a simple property will not suffice - you will need an island. From this island you can gather your minion horde in one place, conduct twisted experiments and plot your domination from a classic lair setting. It is also the prime location to run a rogue government, which of course you will be using to put your plan of conquest into action. Although I'm sure some of you think it would suffice to just buy a gigantic mansion in a secluded area somewhere in your home country, I will vaporize you if you speak so insolently around me.
You will, of course, have to have some money under your belt already if you are to do this, but planning is a crucial piece of successful domination. There are many options available for the discerning island buyer, and thanks to the miracle of the internet we can dissect these options much like an enemy who has wronged us. In this guide, I will provide you with the best tips for finding a prime island, and the steps you will need to take to transform it into a base of operations for your new Utopian government.
Starting Conquest Early
I recently was asked by one of my noble readers to give some advice for those looking to start their quest of world domination at an earlier age. Since I began my quest when I was just a small samurai myself, I felt a warm spot in my otherwise black heart for the aspiring evil geniuses. Young people sometimes feel like they just aren't listened to, and I want any younger readers out there to know: Shogun understands your pain. When I spoke of taking over the world when I was a teenager, I was laughed at by both my peers and my elders. But now those people scrub the toilets in my corporate offices, so it all worked out in the end. Pay attention, young pups of evil, this article is aimed directly at you.
How To: Get Your Money
When you begin to have money, there will inevitably be people who ask for loans. Generally, this is a bad idea (particularly if the loan is for a friend) but perhaps you have made the mistake out of sympathy or a genuine belief that the person in question has a real chance of using the money for an investment with return potential. Sometimes these pan out, but more often than not this decision will blow up in your face, and you're faced with the difficult task of retrieving your money.
You could just go break some knee caps or take a life in angry retribution, which would be the sloppy, dangerous way of doing it. These tactics often bring down well organized crime families and otherwise intelligent loan sharks. However, with the miracles of modern technology, there is a solution that will not only bring your money back, but you will gain a valuable minion in the process and keep yourself out of the slammer.
Blunders: Jerry Yang Insults Microsoft
This is Jerry Yang, one of the founders of Alexa's #1 ranked website on the entire internet, Yahoo. Jerry is a very rich man because of his involvement with this pioneer of the search engine business, and it has obviously gone to his head. In case you haven't been keeping up with technology news lately (if you don't, slap yourself) Mr. Yang recently got fired. It wasn't because he was caught sleeping with an intern, or trying to marry a 12 year old boy in Thailand, it was because his nerd-turned-billionaire ego completely and utterly ruined his company's chances of really taking a shot at their main competitor, Google.
