Using Your Mind To Make Others Use Their Backs

First of all, I would like my readers to know that I am in fact still alive and in search of world domination. Despite the fact many of you may think I am some comedy writer, I am in fact engaged in an activity which will change the world - putting it firmly in my grasp!  As you can imagine, it is very time consuming. Now that you know I'm still here, on to the article...